Disneyland

One of the great perks of Dan's job is the free Disneyland passes. We have really tried to take advantage of them and usually make it there about 2-3 times a year. Even though it is still a long drive and we have to pay for hotels, it really helps to not have to pay $90/day (or whatever it is up to now) for tickets. We have gone at the end of February for the last few years and it has been great. The park is only open from 10am - 8pm, but that is enough time for us. The weather is awesome and the lines are short.


We also get free stroller rentals, so even though Emma is old enough to walk we always get a stroller to haul all our junk around in. And it is nice when little legs are tired at the end of the day. The only bad thing about the disneyland strollers is that they have to stay in the park, so the walk back to the hotel at night is a struggle. She usually ends up on Dan's shoulders, she is getting so big now it is hard for me to hold her for very long.

Gotta love the Disneyland Lollipops. That thing was SO gross at the end of the day, but she wouldn't let us throw the darn thing away! We had to keep it in a plastic baggie when we were on the rides. Oh well, a little lint never killed anyone!

On the top of Goofy's Boat in Toon Town

Teacups.....I usually sit out on this one, it makes me too dizzy. Thank goodness for Dads!



What would a visit to Disneyland be without a picture with Mickey??

While we were waiting for the fireworks Emma picked a couple flowers and insisited that we wear them for the rest of the day. Thank goodness the day was almost over! I hate flowers behind my ear, I always imagine a huge spider living in one and then crawling down my neck....EWE!!



Everytime we go to disneyland Emma begs us to get her face painted. We have always said no because it is too expensive. But since all of us were still getting over the shock and sadness of losing the baby, we thought we would splurge this time. I was so glad we did, she looked amazing when it was done.

Before.......




Check out how fast this girl was!











After!!!! Doesn't she look BEAUTIFUL!! People we stopping us all day and asking where she got it done. There are several face painting booths around the park, but the one we went to has to be the best. I didn't see any other faces as pretty as this one! Too bad it only lasts a day.



Emma's view of the train ride.

Gotta love Minnie!

Woody, Jessie and Emma



Yummy Disneyland IceCream! Watch Emma when she realizes that Dan is taking a video...my how she can act!

Emma didn't want to fuss with the kiddie rides this trip. In fact, we didn't even go to fantasy land. She only wanted to do the big roller coasters which was totally fine with Dan and I. We did Space Mountain 3 times in a row! Well Dan and Emma did anyway, I couldn't handle a 3rd time. She is a coaster maniac and we are proud of it!!!


Ride #1.... Emma wasn't quite sure if she liked it. Look at Dan trying to comfort her. And me, I am oblivious to everything but the ride! Emma could have been screaming her brains out for all I knew...geez am I a bad mom or what! How could I be having such a great time when my little sweetheart was freaked out??


Ride #2....Emma wanted me to sit with her this time, it doesn't look like she is having any more fun than last time. At least she has her eyes open this time....although mine are still closed! I don't know why I close them, it is pitch black in there anyway.

Ride #3. Okay, now she looks like maybe she is having fun...at least we know Dan is! Maybe she is crying for HELP who knows!! I had to sit this round out, twice in a row is enough for my poor head.


The crash at the end of the day....my favorite part of Disneyland is the 20 second bedtime routine!

Emma's Valentine Cookies

Frosting and decorating cookies is one of Emma's favorite things to do. I think it is the perfect mix of creativity and sugar that really makes her feel happy. The cookies were actually pretty tasty once we scraped off the pound of high fructose corn syrup piled on top. I liked the one with chocolate and Dan liked the marshmello pecan one. Emma thought they were all "the best".






Oh how I wish I was still a kid again and could find joy in such simple activities! It was fun to watch her little mind thinking about what she would put on next. We need to decorate cookies more often, not just on holidays. The problem is that not only do we like to decorate, we like to eat them too. So maybe it is a good thing that we only do it on special occasions.

Our Sad Sad News

I went in for my 3 month OB appt. and I explained to the Dr. that I felt like everything that could go wrong WAS going wrong with the pregnancy. She assured me that everything was going to be just fine and that it was normal to be worried after what I had been through in the past year with infertility treatments and such. I didn't believe her.
When it was time for the ultra sound, I had an eerie feeling that she would find something wrong. I could see her looking at the screen with squinty eyes and repositioning the wand over and over. She was pushing SO hard...and then it hit me. The screen was still...the tiny blinking light that I had seen at my last appointment was still. I knew it before she told me. There was no heartbeat. She said she was having a hard time finding the heartbeat, so she needed to do another type of ultrasound. I knew it wouldn't be any different. I tried to tell myself that I was over reacting, but deep down I was preparing for the news. As I suspected, she didn't find anything. She said there was no heartbeat and sent me to the hospital the next day for a more detailed ultra sound which confirmed that indeed the baby had died. I cannot put into words how thoroughly distraught I was and still am.
The OB didn't seem to think that it was a big deal and told me to just wait until my body naturally expelled the baby. NO WAY!!! I was not having that. Maybe that is fine for some women, but I was NOT going to be walking around with a dead baby inside me. She said it could take up to three weeks and until the fetus was gone my body would still think it was alive and continue to produce pregnancy hormones. I was still extremely sick and just wanted to get it over with!
In desperation, I called my WONDERFUL infertility Dr. and he scheduled me for a D & C the following day! He also ordered some tests on the fetal tissue to see if we could find any more pieces to our unexplained infertility puzzle. The best thing was that he gave me enough drugs to push the pain, both physical and emotional, away for a few weeks. Thank goodness....it just proved to me that some doctors really care about what their patients want and to some, we are just a name on yet another chart!
We are of course devastated. All I can say is that if you haven't gone through it, you have no idea how it really feels. The worst thing about it all is that I have been so EXTREMELY sick. I have been in bed or on the couch for 6 weeks straight! It would have been worth it if I would have had a sweet little baby in the end, but to just go through it for nothing really makes me angry. If I didn't have such a hard time getting pregnant, then I wouldn't be so worried. Some women have miscarriages but are able to get pregnant again right away. Unfortunately, this pregnancy was a miracle and I really don't see another miracle happening again in the future. This loss makes a total of 8 embryos that have been inside me but have not survived in the last year. 6 through IVF and 2 natural. All I can think is that there HAS to be something wrong! It is so frustrating to not know why this is happening. People keep saying "when the time is right, it will happen for you." I feel like screaming in their face when I hear that. Why isn't the time right??? Emma is almost 5 years old and I never wanted to have kids that far apart....That is why we started trying to have more when she was only 15 months old. I am sorry for the anger in this post, but that is all I can feel right now. Why would God do this to me? Why would he tease me like this?? What do I have to learn from this?
I am more thankful for Emma now than I ever have been. At least we still have her. I don't know how I could survive if something happened to her. But...what can I do but just move on and try to be strong? I will pretend that I am not torn apart inside. I will put on a happy face and tell everyone that I am okay. When people ask about the pregnancy, I will tell them softly that we lost the baby, but my voice will not crack and my eyes will stay dry. Even as I write this I am pushing back the tears, but I will not let them see.

New Bath Crayons are SOOO cool!

Emma got new bath crayons. She LOVES anything to do with art stuff. She is pretty darn good already if I do say so myself. I hope she grows up to be just as talented as her daddy!

My Family

Monster Guy


Mad Daddy